I wish you enough

I don't know who wrote this poem below, but it was part of a 'share' I read on facebook, and I wanted to share it here.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Solitude

Wow, two posts in one day. Yes. I thought I would just give a follow up to my post this morning regarding the things I have learned about being a parent. I thought it would be fair to give my opinion on the flip side - being a non parent.

I had brunch today at my brother's house. There were several adults and six kids ranging in age from 9 to a few months old. I am sure many of you attended a brunch/lunch or dinner that was similar to my experience this morning.

I had a great time. I ate outside with my nieces, nephew and the their cousins. They played, I watched. I was wearing my Pandora bracelet and they wanted to know the history and story behind each charm. I always cherish every moment I have with them and today wasn't any different.

They were all going to Wonderland to get their passes in order. Of course my older niece asked if I could come with them. I told her I don't have a pass. She said, but if you got one you could come with us. If you are a regular reader, you know how I feel about last year's Wonderland pass situation. I told her that I would try to come with them over the summer at least once.

As I was on my way home, I thought it would be crazy not to be outside on this beautiful day. My balcony faces north so there really isn't any sun that I could take advantage of, unless I went to the park outside my building. Which is exactly what I did.

Changed my clothes, grabbed my Ipod, a book, a snack and decided I was still "on vacation" and added vodka to my orange juice thermos and off I went.

For the next hour and a half I was alone in the park (for the most part), with my music, book, and myself. I am aware of the fact that parents of young children don't get time like I had this afternoon. I have said it before, that my time is my own, I don't have to share it with anyone. I don't take that for granted. 

What I have learned about being a mom

Facebook is flooded with messages from children to their moms, moms to moms, about moms, moms to be. Everything all about mothers and mother's day today. Of course I took the time to share a message of love to my mom.

It was the one update from a friend of mine that really touched my heart and prompted me to write today:
"Mothers - although I am not a real one - I have been blessed with 3 true loves in my life - because of you - I know a little bit about what a joy being a Mom can be.
I have been so lucky to have had family and friends that have shared their lives with me - I know how committed you are to your families - that you would do anything for your children - sacrifice it all - you have made me so proud to be in your presence - my respect and love for Mothers is endless - keep up the good work."

For those who know me, I am sure the title threw you off a bit. What is she talking about, she doesn't have kids. No, I don't. But, again, for those who know me, know that motherly instincts don't come just from having a child, or children. They come from within, and some nurture them and they come out in life, and others do not.

As I have said in many past posts, I like to entertain and host friends in my condo. I have an IKEA 'cube' shaped book shelf that houses all the books that I love to read, a sculpture my grandfather made for me, and more, but in two of the cubes, there are two baskets. One basket is filled with children's books and the other with stuffed animals and toys. It does seem odd since I don't have kids, but I do have two nieces and a  nephew, and many friends that bring their children to my home. I want them to be happy when they are here. That way, the adults can enjoy their time together and the kids will be happy. The last time I had a couple of friends over, I asked the four year old daughter, "would you like to sit on my bed and watch Treehouse?" Instant connection.
 
Do you know anyone that doesn't have children, but has a booster seat in their trunk at all times? Yes, that would be me. I am not a mom, but I am an Aunt, and a very present one if I do say so myself. I love getting phone calls from my nieces asking me to come over and spend some time, or asking me to come to their dance class, or can they come for a swim. You never know when I am going to be needed to take one of them somewhere, so I need to ensure that I have a booster seat. A grandparent is probably used to car seats and boosters because they are often called on for carpool assistance, but an aunt, especially a 'non mom'....maybe not. 

When my nieces come over to visit, they know that my office is home to all things arts and crafts. Markers, crayons, glue, coloured paper, you name it. I called it camp Auntie Lisa, and have already made a plan with my niece when her sister is away at overnight camp that she will come over and we will have our own special camp time. In all fairness, I have always been creative, and have always had all of this in my life (I even worked at a craft store in the mall during high school), but now that there are children in my life, I can say that it is because of them (wink, wink).

Being in the travel industry for almost 25 years has its advantages. Some of the perks that are earned by agents are discounts on hotels, cruises, tours etc. Some of the perks include free nights at all inclusive resorts. I don't really have much interest in travelling alone, so I ask my friends if they want to go away. They pay for their flight, and the rest is covered. It is a great offer, yet hard to get a yes from people.

I am very aware of the fact that it is not that easy for a mom to get away. I have written before about my ability to be flexible, and that comes through in my search for travelling companions. I appreciate that my mom friends can't leave their lives for a whole week. That is why I ask them for a short trip, weekend away, three or four nights at the most. Carpool, after school activities, family life is very full and needs to stay in routine to make it all work. I appreciate all of that, but I also know from many years of watching and observing, everyone, learns to adapt to a changing situation. It doesn't come natural, but it does happen if given the chance. It also takes time, and I understand that as well. Friends in my life know that there is an open invitation to travel. You need to tell me when you are ready to let go and come away with me, and we will go. It is really as simple as that.
 
I wanted to end with another quote that I just read on facebook which I think sums up how I feel about motherhood vs. womenhood:
"Happy Mother's Day to ALL the women out there that have loved, guided, mentored, supported, educated, wiped away tears and given a good kick in the ass when needed. Being a mom is not defined by a biological connection but rather by knowing there is a woman who will always be there for you. I've been blessed with several of those in my life, and you know who you are"

I hope you all have a happy day today whatever you do. Celebrate your moms, grandmothers, sisters and aunties!

Live your best life,

Lisa

#LOVE your selfie

We live in a world today where self promotion and interest is instant. If you own a smart phone, an iPad, tablet or any digital device, you can take a picture, and post it instantly. You can "check in" wherever you may be, anywhere in the world. Some say it is too much, some say, it will never be too much. Think about yourself for a minute. You check in at a restaurant, airport or movie, or post a selfie photo in front of somewhere you may be travelling.  How quickly are your checking your Facebook profile to see if anyone has 'liked' or commented on your update?

Going along with the theme of sharing on social media, there was a concept that took off a couple of years ago called Throwback Thursdays, or TBT. Add a #hashtag in front of it and now you have a trend. Basically it represents a photo from 'back in the day' before there were digital photos which gave us the abillity to take the same photo over and over again until it looked good. You took a picture, waiting weeks for it to be developed and hoped that you would get a good photo.

I am an active participant in #TBT photos, and weekly choose photos that I share with my social community. If it revolves around an event, birthday, holiday, friend's birthday, even better.

A few months ago while I was searching for photos in a box, I came across of photo of myself holding my friend's infant son. It would have been almost 12 years ago. I have to say I almost didn't recognize the person staring back at me. Did I really look like that? How did I get to that point? How did I get from that point to the point I am at now? I just know that specific photo will never appear on #TBT or any other social media outlet.

We all know that people who appear in magazines are not what they appear. We know that they are made up, touched up, airbrushed, and all of that to get the "perfect" picture. Even the future king of England, Prince George's colour was touched up for last week's US Weekly cover. That does not work in our day to day photo lives. We are who we are, blemishes, flabby arms, rounded stomachs, puffy faces, warts and all.

While putting a photo book which displayed my trips to California I came across a picture of myself taken at Malibu Beach. We had taken a lot of photos that day. Some were posed and then there was this one photo that I felt really portrayed who I am on the inside. I felt it had a place in the book, and I put it on a collage page at the end of the book.

Everyone who looked at the book said it was one of the nicest pictures I had ever taken. I didn't think it was "THE BEST" photo I had ever taken, but it was probably the most authentic, true self photo of me. I decided to post that photo on Facebook, and the response was more than I could have ever imagined. I captioned it by saying, "Happiness is:  A picture that captures your true essence". I had the most likes (82) and over 20 comments about the photo. I realized that when this first photo was taken, it wasn't the 'best' one that was taken that day. Now I look at the photo and realize it is perfect just the way it is.

I recently travelled to Europe. I didn't always have someone around to take photos of me at the different locations. Thankfully I have a smart phone and took the opportunity to flip the camera function around and start to take "selfie" photos of myself all over Europe. Not quite the best pictures of myself, but it was a fun way to share my experiences with friends and family at home, with the ability to post the photos when I had access to WiFi.

We all have to learn to love ourselves. I am looking at the photos that were taken of me recently and I see someone who is smiling at the camera. There was a time that I didn't have a lot of photos taken of myself, and I am happy that time is over. I actually enjoy having my picture taken now.

Live your best life,

Lisa

Selfie, Arnhem Netherlands

Selfie - Keukenhof Gardens, Amsterdam

Selfie - Bruges

Wayback Wednesday - The City by the Bay

If you are a friend of mine on Facebook you know that I love TBT - Throwback Thursdays. It is a great way to dig up your old school photos and share them with your facebook community. I know that a lot of my connections on FB are friends from 'back in the day' and it is funny to see them sharing their photos as well.

Since I am a writer, I thought about sharing my photos with a story attached. I always have a story, and if you know me well, you know that to be true.

So, my first wayback Wednesday is about...well...travelling. Fits into my life I suppose, for the last 24 years being a travel agent.

I enjoy relaxing island vacations, reading, sitting by the pool, but I have come to appreciate that I enjoy going on a "trip" vs. a vacation. They are different, and if you have experienced both, you know what I mean.

Back when I was starting out in the travel business I took my first "trip". It was April 2005 - 19 years ago, which that in itself is a crazy thought.

It was a crazy whirlwind trip - 7 days, flying into Las Vegas, then onto Los Angeles, then onto San Fransisco, back to Vegas and then home. Three different airlines, six different hotels and three different car rental companies.

We had amazing experiences along the way. A show in Vegas, Red Rock Canyon, a Laker game in LA, Venice Beach and so much more. It was still in the peak of the OJ Simpson trials, and we drove up and down looking for Rockingham (OJ's street) which we did find, as well as the Bundy Drive townhouse (murder scene).

We did spend almost one whole day waiting on the NBC lot to get into a taping of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. We did get in and saw Hank Aaron, Mark Harmon and Margaret Cho.

And then we arrived in San Fransisco. What a beautiful city that is. Since I was only there for a few days, and it was 19 years ago, I know that it is back on my list as a place that I need to return to, especially now that I am a foodie.

One of the best parts of the trip for me was the visit to Alcatraz. I remember not being that interested in going at the time. What was I thinking??!! It turned out to be one of the best parts of the whole week.

You have to buy tickets in advance. We learned that when we went on our first day and they said that all the departures were full that day. So, we bought tickets for the next day.

Alcatraz Island is a looming land mass in the heart of San Fransisco bay and can be seen from all over the downtown area. You take a boat out to the island. It is then a 1/3 mile walk up the hill to the jail.

You get a head set with pre-recorded descriptions of what you are walking through and what it was when the jail was open. The dining hall was fascinating. Officers were unarmed, while the inmates were "armed" with metal forks, spoons and trays. There were tear gas canisters mounted into the ceiling beams in case there was anyone that got out of control.

The tour talks about the inmates, and the escape attempt of 1962. Three inmates created a very detailed elaborate plan to escape off the island and after lights out on June 11, 1962 they put their plan in action. The were never found and presumed to have drowned in the cold waters of San Fransisco bay.

The Federal prison closed in 1963.

In 1972 Alcatraz island was made part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area. and part of the National Park Service. More than 750,000 visitors come to the island annually (statistics from 1995). Recent statistics are about 1.3 million each year.

One of the lessons I started to learn when travelling with others is to have an open mind and be open to compromise. What I really didn't think I had any interest in turned out to be a trip highlight. If I hadn't had an open mind, I never would have seem Alcatraz and that would have been a shame.

Stay tuned for my next Wayback Wednesday installment!! 

living my best life

I read a lot of articles, and blogs and interesting pieces of writing that people share on Facebook and on the internet. Being a woman in my (yikes) 40's, I am drawn to the ones that have that somewhere in the title. Forty thoughts on being 40, surviving your 40's...you know the stories.

As I am reading these articles, many of them are written by mommy bloggers. A relatively new term for women, professionals, wives and mothers that write about their lives. There many of those, and then there are a few that I read that are from a single mother perspective. There are so many blogs out there, and I am happy that you all choose to read my posts when I write. Writing and sharing isn't for everyone, I know that. I choose to share and let you into my life.

I have a lot of thoughts about 'life' in general, and my life specifically. 


Be the judge of your own character

What does that mean exactly? Well, it is simple really. You have to know what your core values are. What do you believe in? What were you taught growing up and what you have learned along the way.

I have had to come across this in my work environment in many different areas. If you have ever worked in a commission sales arena you know that the business is very cut throat. Everyone wants to be at the top of leader board, and for some, it is at whatever the cost. For me, it has never been that way. I am referring to taking the sale away from another person. I am sure it has been done to me many times over again, but I have not ever done it intentionally to anyone. I know that I can look in the mirror at the end of the day with my conscious in check. What does your moral compass tell you?

I really do try to behave that way in my life as well. I know that if you call me a friend, you know that you can count on me to be there for you. When I tell someone you can call me night or day, I mean it. When I say that my door is open for you, I mean it. Just recently I had a friend over for dinner, because I knew she needed a night away from the current situation she was dealing with. It was a couple of hours that she could be away from her life and just relax, let me cook her a meal, and let her have some space. I know it meant a lot to her, and it meant a lot to me to be able to do it for her.

Part of the reason I can be that way is because I am only responsible for myself. I don't have to drive carpool, be at the hockey rink, pick up from dance class. I am just me. But being "just me" has its own set of responsibilities as well. Something I think that others forget that. I do what I do because I can, and it works for me most of the time.

Be flexible

When I was eighteen years old I had a part time job at Promenade Mall. I met this amazing girl from Florida who had moved to Toronto. She was a year old than me and we became fast friends. At the time I was still very "high school" way of thinking, making plans in advance making sure that I was busy and had things planned all the time. I used to get annoyed if the plans changed or were cancelled. She was not that way. She was more of a free spirit, planning was deciding about 10 minutes before you were to go out, if you were going to go. It used to drive me crazy, but with time, I learned to accept that was what worked for her, and if I wanted to be her friend, and make plans with her, that I had to learn to be more flexible.

That also comes with growing up. Over the years I have learned that flexible is the only way you can be. The underlying fact in my life is that my time belongs only to me, I don't have to share it with anyone, so I am the most flexible person I can be. If we have plans for dinner, but my friend's husband has to work late, or their child suddenly starts to throw up, or have a fever, or the babysitter cancels, we'll go another time. I half jokingly half seriously said to someone recently, "I assume all plans are maybe until I hear the time we are meeting."

Feeling included

I don't play Maj. My mother never played Maj. I tried to learn it a couple of summers ago, but it wasn't really my thing. I guess if I tried it a few more times and got the hang of it, maybe it could become "my thing". I have several friends that play, on a regular basis. They have weekly games, and sometimes more than once a week. Every week there is an email that goes out to a group of people where the game(s) are being held and to RSVP if you plan on joining. I appreciate that even though it is not my thing per se, that I am still included in the group email. On the off chance I want to go, even just for the social aspect it is nice to be included.

Which is another reason why I like to be the host. I love to have people over at my place. For lunch, brunch, my Oscar parties. When I first came back from Israel I hosted a series of classes at my home for six weeks, which I would do again in a heartbeat. For many different reasons I suppose. Firstly, I am very proud of my home and love to have people in it. I think more importantly it is because I get to be the host and share my life with others.

Last year I bought a seasons pass to Canada's Wonderland. People asked me why I did that. Firstly, I knew that my brother and his family had passes, and the kids have asked me to go in the past and I thought I would go with them, which I did - once. A lot of my friends have passes, and I truly thought I would have many opportunities to use the pass. It didn't quite work out the way I had planned it in my head. I guess it was one of those live and learn situations. I don't think I will run out and spend the money again this year. Been there, done that....

I really think about all the great things I have in my life. It is my story, and I get to write a new page every day.

Thank you for being a part of my story. I appreciate it!

The closing chapter

Today I took my car in for the 5 year top to bottom check up. It is 5 years that I have had the car and tomorrow I pay it off and it will be mine. I know that I am not the first person to pay off their car, but for me, this is the final step in closing one circle in my life.

On February 21st, 2014 at about 600pm I was in my car about to get on the on ramp to the 404 southbound while it was snowing. Realizing that it was five years ago almost to the minute that I was getting on the on ramp of the 404 at Wellington heading southbound, in a blizzard. It was shortly thereafter that I had my car accident. February 21st, 2009.

For the last five years I have remembered the day, time and place. When I arrived at dinner with my parents on February 21st this year I told my mom what I was thinking about when I got on the 404 and I said that this is the last year that I am going to give the accident my memory.

The car represented the accident as well. It was about five days after the accident that I had my cousin take me to pick up the rental car that I would use until I bought a new car. I remember, it was snowing, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to drive, so I had him wait for me and follow me as I drove out of the parking lot. It was snowing today when I got into the rental car that I had for the day.

Does this sound crazy? I think I sound crazy, but I am not sure. 

The cool thing is that after five years I finally feel like I am in a good place with driving in the winter. Situations that used to stop me from going somewhere or doing something don't anymore. I am not saying that I don't have PTSD triggers, but they are farther and fewer between now.

So, cheers to me and my final car payment. As the Elsa sings in Frozen, it is time to "let it go" once and for all.

Let's hope that happens!!